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infp Blog: Why I don’t have a best friend
INFPs have a tendency to call friends just those people who are strong ties, people who we feel connected to. Everyone else is an acquaintance.
The problems with the friend/acquaintance model are:
1. INFPs become too dependent on a small group of friends to fill all their emotional needs.
My friends are busy. They have lives outside of their friendship with me. When we heavily depend on a small group of people to fills our need for connectedness and those people are not available, we feel hurt that they’re not making their time with us more important.
2. INFPs become needy and desperate when we feel we’re losing a friend we’ve invested so much energy into.
When our friends are too busy to see us we interpret it as a sign that we aren’t important in their lives. We set time out of our schedule to accommodate them. We make that extra effort to align our schedule with theirs to have time together. However when our friends don’t do the same in return and cancel on us, INFPs grow resentful.
3. INFPs develop expectations of their friends based on their INFP ideal of friendship
We assume that if we put extra effort into a friendship then our friends should do the same. INFPs have this ideal for friendship that we want others to adhere to. INFPs become demanding in our passive-aggressive way because we only want what we think is “fair” which only serves to drive our friends away.
4. INFPs get stuck in their friendships
We tell ourselves that those people weren’t really our friends and we somehow just misinterpreted our feelings. We seek out new people to become close friends. And with those new close friends, we rehash the same thoughts and ideas. We start the cycle all over and wonder why we haven’t grown emotionally in our friendships.
23.7.14 Louis #1